


How Immaculate to be Excommunicated

by Ou_Nou



Series: Group chats of Zenith College [3]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Musical References, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24263356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ou_Nou/pseuds/Ou_Nou
Summary: New semester, new chatgroup!Except this one resolves mainly around a specific friend group...
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: Group chats of Zenith College [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1524149
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Drunk Sylvain would eat this cake

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to the third part of this series!
> 
> I'm convinced that at this point most of the chapters uploaded are just me venting...
> 
> Note that each part does not link to each other in any way, however it might be nice if you could read the previous parts as well.
> 
> If you came from the previous parts: Welcome back! 
> 
> As mentioned in the fic summary, this fic resolves mainly around a specific friend group, which is **MY friend group**. Hence, the number of characters will be limited.
> 
> I also match the characters according to my friends' personalities, and ended up with most of them being similar to Three Houses characters.
> 
> Also, due to me being in Year 2 of college, I am currently entering the "most difficult part" of my diploma, updates will be slow.
> 
> That's all I have to say for now! This chapter may be short compared to the chapters I had done in previous parts, but please enjoy nonetheless!

**03.10**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** anyone up

**Charli D’Amelio:** yeah whats up

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** remember when the group pinned message became “Drunk Sylvain would eat this cake”

**Luka x Miku Lovechild:** GODDESS LMAOOO

**The original:** Takes me back  😌

**If she breathes shes a thot:** BRO WHAT THE FUCK

**The remix:** lmao of course i remember, i was the one who took you home

**If she breathes shes a thot:** CLAUDE I THOUGHT U WERE BAE

**If she breathes shes a thot:** turns out you’re just fam

**All you wanna do <3: ** I don’t know what happened, tell me.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** OH GODDESS ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED PLUME

**Luka x Miku Lovechild:** im in the kitchen making popcorn right now gimme 2 more minutes

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** no im gonna start right now

**If she breathes shes a thot:** BITCH

**Momcedes:** I didn’t hear of this as well! We just woke up to see Sylvain about to leave, but he made too much noise trying to find the keys to unlock the door…

**The original:** You ever failed so badly? You end up waking the entire dorm trying to find the fucking keys?

**Momcedes:** Please tell us about how “Drunk Sylvain would eat this cake”

**Charli D’Amelio:** sylvain?

**Momcedes:** Dedue is currently holding him down in the Horny Baby Jail.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** mercie, how do u feel about this picture?

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:**

**Luka x Miku Lovechild:** ew claude im still making popcorn

**The remix:** had eaten, would eat again, 10/10, would recommend to my family if they’re still alive.

**Momcedes:** Everyone except Dimitri gagged at it…

**Charli D’Amelio:** wait even sylvain???

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** huh

**Momcedes:** Yes, it appears he does not like it.

**The Original:** Alright, apparently drunk sylvain is different from sober sylvain

**All you wanna do <3: ** sorry yall i just went to chase a bird off my kitchen what did i miss

**Luka x Miku Lovechild:** PLUMIE<<<<<333333 YOU DIDNT MISS ANYTHING

**All you wanna do <3: ** oh a spaghetti cake

**All you wanna do <3: ** peony made that once and it actually taste really good

**Charli D’Amelio:** WHAT

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** WH

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** DROP THE RECIPE SIS

**All you wanna do <3: ** tell me the Drunk Sylvain story and i’ll get you the recipe by 9am

**Luka x Miku Lovechild:** deal

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** alright so last year after enrolling into college, sylvain got drunk

**All you wanna do <3: ** oh mood

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** the entire Blue Lions were blowing up the phones of literally everyone they know to find sylvain

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** bc ya know

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** he hadnt been seen after the first day

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** not even at midnight or something

**All you wanna do <3: ** ? so how did people find him??

**The remix:** he texted this group

**All you wanna do <3: ** oh?

**The remix:** he went “YALL IM OUT WITH THE BOYS”

**The original:** But his Boys were at home.

**All you wanna do <3: ** goddess

**03.48**

**Y/N logged on!**

**Y/N:** goddess why are you guys awake

**Charli D’Amelio:** remember when the group pinned message became “Drunk Sylvain would eat this cake”?

**Y/N:** YES I DO

**Momcedes:** Please continue the story.

**Y/N:** actually, i have the entire conversation screenshotted and saved

**Luka x Miku Lovechild:** WAIT REALLY

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** DAMN SIS

**Charli D’Amelio:** pwease;;;; the picss;;

**Y/N:** [Screenshots]

* * *

**21.31**

**If she breathes shes a thot:** im having ice cream cake with wine, bye bye liver

**If she breathes shes a thot:** he has too many braincells and hes bout to get replaced after tomorrow

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** cake?

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** dude just get the braincells from linhardt

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** we already established that dude has multiple braincells

**If she breathes shes a thot:** nooooooo hes thinking like 99% caspar

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised:** what happened to the other 1%

**Y/N:** we stole them and share them within each other and now sylvain fucking misplaced it

**If she breathes shes a thot:** if i get drunk do u think my Boys will get anger

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised:** yes

**Y/N:** yes

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** yell heah boi

**If she breathes shes a thot:** udfhak

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** so would u eat that cake

**Y/N:** looks promising

**If she breathes shes a thot:** ew

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised:** smh sylvain too spoilt to know good food

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised:** only Tiny Ice Cream Spheres

**Y/N:** yuri those are fucking dippin dots and they taste like the goddess’s tiddy milk

**If she breathes shes a thot:** someone mention tiddy milk

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** that was so much hetero in that one text goddess

**If she breathes shes a thot:** oh no guys im Soo drunk i Dunno how to get Home

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** where r u dude

**If she breathes shes a thot:** tower of heaven

**Y/N:** why are you drinking alcohol in the Tower of Heaven????

**If she breathes shes a thot:** idk mayb there might be some peeps who wanna see my Tower of Heaven

**Y/N:** ew

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised:** why couldnt u have shown it to felix instead

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** bro tone down the straight

**If she breathes shes a thot:** im out with my bois tho

**Y/N:** INGIE FELIX AND DIMITRI ARE AT HOME????

**If she breathes shes a thot:** THEN WHO THE FUUCK IS WITH ME

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised:** wheres the Tower of Heaven, im getting his drunk ass

**If she breathes shes a thot:** i feel like steve austin

**If she breathes shes a thot:** if anyone in the tower of heaven hear cacklin im not sorry

**If she breathes shes a thot:** also im not sylvain

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** then who the fuck are you

**If she breathes shes a thot:** im leon

**Y/N:** you’re who now

**If she breathes shes a thot:** i got renamed by a talking goat

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** man im feeling bad for the security dude in charge of the surveillance camera tonight

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** sylvain gonna be looking like the fresno nightwalkers

**If she breathes shes a thot:** yah and half naked

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** new cryptids of Zenith

**Y/N:** only you or you AND “your bois”

**If she breathes shes a thot:** the bbbbbbbooooooooooooooiiiiiiisissssss

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** further evidence of sylvain being actual fresno nightcrawlers

**If she breathes shes a thot:** this aint sylvain this leon

**If she breathes shes a thot:** also im in the goddess damned pool

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** how yall be looking in the surveillance

**If she breathes shes a thot:** help were in the wolfff

**If she breathes shes a thot:** *pool

**Y/N:** drink the water

**Y/N:** you’re fine

**Y/N:** drink all that pool water for hungover cure

**If she breathes shes a thot:** imma head back

**If she breathes shes a thot:** wheres home

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised:** stay wherever the fuck you are im coming to get you

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised:** im stuck at the traffic

**If she breathes shes a thot:** time to find my allocated driver

**If she breathes shes a thot:** does claude have a car

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** no im not 18 yet i cant drive

**If she breathes shes a thot:** steal a car and drive here

**Y/N:** how desperate are you to see the goddess

**If she breathes shes a thot:** to succ her tiddy milk?

**If she breathes shes a thot:** i see a car pulling up wha th is

**Y/N:** that’s just yuri

**If she breathes shes a thot:** why is there a lesbian driving me home

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** “WHY IS TEHRE A LESBIAN DRIVING ME HOME”

**Y/N:** sylvain no that’s Yuri Leclerc, resident pretty boy

**If she breathes shes a thot:** hell no im not getting fucking murdered

**If she breathes shes a thot:** hope carol baskin knows sign language bc the only thing she sees will be these hands

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** YURI A LESBIAN IM

**22.02**

**If she breathes shes a thot logged off!**

**Y/N:** hes died

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me yet but when they do they gon be surprised:** he vaulted over a table and hit his head when he fell and knocked out

**Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me yet but when they do they gon be surprised:** im taking this dumbass to the hospital now

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** hes meditating gays

**Y/N:** hes died

* * *

**All you wanna do <3: ** i felt like i just watched an episode of brooklyn 99

**Charli D’Amelio:** damn we weren’t even in the chat but yuri told me all that during our makeup session before last year’s play

**The original:** and that’s how me and niles got added to this chat

**All you wanna do <3: ** incredible

**Momcedes:** Interesting…

**Luka x Miku Lovechild:** and then we decided to add mercie in this chat <33

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** finally a voice of reason 

**The remix:** but also because mercie knows the Law and we needed her so we can fuck shit up and not get caught

**Momcedes:** The Blue Lions have decided to not only banish Sylvain to the Horny Baby Jail, but also to ban him from eating pancakes for a week!

**Y/N:** DAmn thats harsh

**All you wanna do <3: ** rip sylvain’s pancake obsession

**The remix:** not gonna lie im craving that good spaghetti cake now tho

**All you wanna do <3: ** im waiting for peony to wake for that recipe

**All you wanna do <3: ** be patient

**The remix:** thx sis

**Momcedes:** But why did you screenshot the entire conversation, Dorothea?

**Y/N:** good fanfic material for bernie <3

**The remix:** dm me i wanna see my little girl

  
**The remix:** thank you

**All you wanna do <3:** wait but spaghetti cake was only mentioned briefly

**The Original:** Yes, but when he woke up in the hospital, he was craving nothing but the cake

**Charli D'Amelio:** drunk sylvain different from sober sylvain :( 


	2. Cheese Thief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone stole cheese from the Black Eagles house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Background information!**
> 
> Hello I'm here to explain the Houses within this series!
> 
> As you all could tell, based on previous semesters, this entire series takes place in Askr.  
> The Three Houses people all transferred from Fodlan, and for story purposes, I've decided to make Fodlan one of Askr's neighboring countries.  
> Hence, the Three Houses kids are currently staying in a hotel until they graduate college or the Officers Academy will be rebuilt. And for plot purposes, the rebuilding will take a long time.
> 
> A House occupies a Floor of the hotel, and each hotel room is equipped with a kitchen.  
> The established rule is that: A single room cannot have no more than 3 people. (Make room for the goddess, says Seteth) However, as most teenagers do, they break this rule.
> 
> The hotel is a small one, but it is big enough to hold all the kids.  
> The order goes as is: (Top to bottom) ~~hehe~~  
>  \- Black Eagles  
> \- Blue Lions  
> \- Golden Deer  
> \- Ashen Wolves
> 
> I felt this background information explains a little more about the situation in this chapter.

**08.10**

**I ran over the archbishop:** Who the fuck came into our floor last night and took all our cheese

**The remix:** not me

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** I can assure you that none of the Golden Deer left the floor last night.

**OOOOH YESS:** im gonna go the fuck ahead and assume it’s claude who did that

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** wait y me

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** I can vouch for Claude, that he did not leave the Golden Deer dorm at all last night. Ignatz and I were with him all night.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** and im lack toast aunt tall her end

**OOOOH YESS:** then who else is familiar with the vents within that building

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** yuri??

**The remix:** i told you all, it’s not me

**I ran over the archbishop:** It’s not Yuri. Linhardt was with him the entire time.

**The Original:** Am I the only one here who’s trying to comprehend what “lack toast aunt tall her end” means

**I ran over the archbishop:** Claude is Lactose Intolerant. He can’t eat cheese.

**If she breathes shes a thot:** so is my bro dimitri yet hes still snaccing

**I ran over the archbishop:** Alright, so we’ll agree that Dima is prime suspect

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** DUDE WHY YOU THROW MY BRO DIMITRI UNDER THE BUS SO FUCKING QUICK

**If she breathes shes a thot:** SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID ANYTHING

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** So you’re implying that Dimitri IS involved

**If she breathes shes a thot:** IM GONNA BE HONEST CHIEF 

**If she breathes shes a thot:** SOMEONE DID LEAVE THE FLOOR LAST NIGHT

**If she breathes shes a thot:** BUT I DO NOT KNOW W H O

**08.26**

**If she breathes shes a thot logged off!**

**OOOH YESS:** “dima”

**I ran over the archbishop:** Yes. Dima. My stepbrother. Our parents married two years ago. Is there a problem?

**OOOH YESS:** ah

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** a random ass thought but

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** _what if it’s teach_

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** What?

**OOOH YESS:** which one

**The remix:** which “teach”

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** _both_

**OOOH YESS:** oh goddess what if JERALT too

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** BRO I MEAN-

**I ran over the archbishop:** Dima, Professor Byleth and Professor Bylese, Niles. Who else.

**OOOH YESS:** wait why me

**The remix:** is there any motive? Why are you concerned about cheese?

**I ran over the archbishop:** We’re making tiramisu cheesecake

**I ran over the archbishop:** We literally did our Grocery Run days ago, we’re not going out again.

**OOOH YESS:** just send ferdinand there, since hes fine with working out daily outside

**I ran over the archbishop:** WE NEED THE CHEESE _NOW_ THE FUCKING LADYFINGERS ARE GETTING SOGGY

**The remix:** the what

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Ladyfingers are biscuits that are shaped like a Lady’s Fingers

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** They are an important part of making a Tiramisu Cake

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** babe you know much about ladyfingers

**The remix:** edelgard do u mind cheese that are about to expire

**OOOH YESS:** ::eye emojis::

**I ran over the archbishop:** ANYTHING WORKS AS LONG AS IT’S EDIBLE

**The remix:** coming up with lin

**The original:** Through the vents?

**The remix:** fuck off

**The remix:** my eye makeup is better than yours

**OOOH YESS:** wait so that means you’re actually gonna go through the fucking vents

**I ran over the archbishop:** Please do not put the cheese in the vents.

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Please do not poison the Black Eagles.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** please DO poison the beagles

**I ran over the archbishop:** Fuck you too Claude

**OOOH YESS:** do it bitches fucking poison the beagles

**The original:** Wait why

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** anything to win the weekly uno competition

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** if less than 4 peeps show up the other houses win by default

**I ran over the archbishop:** Fucker.

**The remix:** you do this shit because not only does the Ashen Wolves have 4 members

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** wait fam stop

**The remix:** but because professors bylese and byleth established themselves to be within our house

**I ran over the archbishop:** Please deliver the cheese by taking the lift and sliding the cheese and Linhardt through the pet door.

**OOOH YESS:** this implies that linhardt is into petplay

**I ran over the archbishop:** Niles, please kindly shut the fuck up.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** no niles keep talking i wanna expose them

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Stop this right now, Claude.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** lmao what r u gonna do, daddy?

**The original:** cursed

**The remix:** dont worry i will practice social distancing rules as long as linhardt is willing to cooperate

**The remix:** goddess claude please shut the fuck up

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** _are ya gonna spank me, daddy? ;)_

**I ran over the archbishop:** Never have I ever been more glad to be excommunicated by the fucking Cult of Seiros because I can now legally snap Claude’s neck like a twig under the Goddess’ name.

**I ran over the archbishop:** Lorenz keep the door unlocked and try not to let the twink away.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** wait no

**The remix:** but the cheese

**I ran over the archbishop:** Dorothea will handle the rest.

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** We are currently holding Claude down, Lysithea wants to watch this execution.

**OOOH YESS:** _a body has been discovered_

**The original:** What if me and Yuri switch identities for a whole day and we pay people who can identify us

**I ran over the archbishop:** Thanks for the cheese, Yuri.

**I ran over the archbishop:** Leon, don’t.

**The remix:** no it will be confusing for my lovers

**OOOH YESS:** but they fucked yuri enough to know where his birthmark is if he ever has one

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** vhjsk

**08.59**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦 logged off!**

**The original:** The fucking Eagles got him.

**The remix:** rip claude

**I ran over the archbishop:** Niles, if it weren’t for my girlfriend and my girlfriend and my girlfriend and the virus and the cake, I would come over and let you join Claude.

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** No, killing Niles would cause a Circus War in Helheim.

**OOOH YESS:** ok ykw fair

**The original:** But we still haven’t established who took all the cheese

**I ran over the archbishop:** Since no one has owned up.

**I ran over the archbishop:** It appears that we are having a modern problem, which requires a modern solution.

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Edelgard wait, think about the consequences.

**OOOH YESS:** lmao r u gonna have lorenz use his Karen

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** you know what fuck the consequences go ahead and do what you need to do, Edelgard.

**The original:** Something’s wrong I can feel it.

**I ran over the archbishop:** @Macavity’s not there

**09.07**

**Macavity’s not there logged on!**

**Macavity’s not there:** ight it’s about 5,000G

**OOOH YESS:** BITCH WHOMST

**I ran over the archbishop:** Done.

**The remix:** you couldnt have gotten hubert instead????

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Him and Ferdinand are both sleeping now, do not disturb them.

**OOOH YESS:** THEN WHO THE FUCK IS THIS

**The original:** He’s not there

**OOOH YESS:** WHO

**The original:** Macavity. He’s never there.

**OOOH YESS:** BITCH GIVE ME BETTER HINTS

**The remix:** hes a master criminal who can defy the law

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** He’s broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.

**09.13**

**Charli D’Amelio logged on!**

**Charli D’Amelio:** uyo may met him in a by steet, you may mee him in athe square

**The original:** Glad to know that there are indeed Men of Culture within this chat.

**Charli D’Amelio:** i FELT the musical and it SHOOK ME THE FUCK UP

**Charli D’Amelio:** LIKE MACAVITY IS ACTUALLY HERE

**The original:** The movie is absolute shit though

**The remix:** 2020 is just the goddess punishing us for enabling Cats (2019)

**OOOH YESS:** pwease i awm a pwoow swouw, i dwo nwot undewstwand mewsicaws

**Macavity’s not there:** wait u forgot me already??

**Macavity’s not there:** dude it’s me

**Macavity’s not there:** grima

**OOOH YESS:** YOU

**The remix:** LMAO HE HAS BEEN IN THIS CHAT EVER SINCE WE BECAME STUDENTS IN THIS FUCKING SCHOOL WHAT DO YOU EXPECT

**Charli D’Amelio:** Greetings, Old Friend.

**OOOH YESS:** i hate this

**The original:** Why?

**The remix:** he’s in debt

**Macavity’s not there:** alright so the cheese thief

**I ran over the archbishop:** Just say it.

**Macavity’s not there:** you are right to suspect dimitri because he _ate_ the cheese

**I ran over the archbishop:** Ah.

**Macavity’s not there:** but he was not behind the _theft_

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** The plot thickens

**Charli D’Amelio:** wait what the f did i miss

**The original:** Someone stole all the cheese from the BEagles and Edelgard just killed Claude

**Charli D’Amelio:** oh thank goddess i thought i missed something big

**OOOH YESS:** i didnt steal the cheese

**Macavity’s not there:** niles did not steal the cheese

**OOOH YESS:** oh yes

**Macavity’s not there:** but niles does owe me a large amount of debt

**OOOH YESS:** fuck i was hoping you’re gonna forget

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** You’re**

**Macavity’s not there:** alright let’s get back to topic

**Macavity’s not there:** hm

**Macavity’s not there:** i dont know if any of you are ready for this piece of news yet

**I ran over the archbishop:** Read my name. I got off without any suspects.

**Macavity’s not there:** fair

**Charli D’Amelio:** wwiait you actually

**Charli D’Amelio:** ran over the thicc pope

**09.27**

**If she breathes shes a thot logged on!**

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Inigo, never say that again

**The remix:** Delete this

**If she breathes shes a thot:** someone mentioned thicc pope

**OOOH YESS:** pope so thicc

**OOOH YESS:** her shape maintains even when edelgard ran over her

**The original:** hhrrrnnggg Father im trying to offer my blessings but im dummy thicc and the clap of my asscheeks keep alerting the sisters

**The remix:** this is why every single one of you were excommunicated

**Macavity’s not there:** cant be excommunicated if you’ve never believed in the goddess

**If she breathes shes a thot:** if all the archbishops in history were the “daughter” of the goddess does that mean the goddess is thicc as well

**OOOH YESS:** keep talking baby i like where this is going

**I ran over the archbishop:** Please tell us who stole the cheese before I lost all control I have on myself.

**Macavity’s not there:** between byleth, v*lter, me, claude, who do you believe to be the culprit

**I ran over the archbishop:** What

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** I’m saying Claude.

**The original:** I once caught V*lter in the closet of my previous home, I’m gonna say that he’s the culprit.

**The remix:** professor

**If she breathes shes a thot:** wait dimitri aint a suspect?

**I ran over the archbishop:** He ate the cheese that was stolen, but he did not steal the cheese

**If she breathes shes a thot:** then who stole the cheese

**OOOH YESS:** im suspecting the absolute shit out of the professor just for shits and giggles

**I ran over the archbishop:** Grima.

**Macavity’s not there:** ok wow rude im helping you out here and you’re gonna fucknig suspect me like that

**Charli D'Amelio:** to be fair you offered to be an option

**If she breathes shes a thot:** professor as well

**Macavity’s not there:** well yall

**Macavity’s not there:** the answer is

**Macavity’s not there:** neither one of them

**The original:** then who is it?

**Macavity’s not there:** he who cannot be subdued

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Huh?

**I ran over the archbishop:** …

**I ran over the archbishop:** Be right back.

**09.44**

**I ran over the archbishop logged off!**

**If she breathes shes a thot:** WAIT

**If she breathes shes a thot:** YOU CANT MEAN

**Macavity’s not there:** i said what i said and now my job is done goodbye yall

**Macavity’s not there:** also niles you still owe me the booty shorts

**09.48**

**Macavity’s not there logged off!**

**OOOH YESS:** was hoping you forget so fuck you grima

**The remix:** who is it sylvain

**The original:** tell us

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Wait I think I know who

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** But why?

**If she breathes shes a thot:** @Y/N GET YOUR FUCKING GF BITCH

**If she breathes shes a thot:** WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS LOBSTER HAVE AN AXE

**OOOH YESS:** that’s her exoskeleton

**Charli D'Amelio:** goddess sylvain, you cant just ask a lobster why she has an exoskeleton

**The original:** So it IS a blue lion

**If she breathes shes a thot:** IT’S DEDUE

**If she breathes shes a thot:** I DONT KNOWW WHY BUT DEDUE STOOLE THE CHEESE AND GAVE IT TO DIMITRI

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** I’m calling the professor, try to stay alive my friend.

**09.53**

**I can get you fired I know the manager logged off!**

**The remix:** who WOULDN’T steal a cheese for their Head Empty boyfriend? uwu

**Charli D’Amelio:** yall gonna ignore niles owes grima booty shorts

  
**Charli D’Amelio:** why does grima need booty shorts

**09.57**

**Y/N logged on!**

**Y/N:** sorry i was busy

**Y/N:** [[Delicious Tiramisu Cheesecake](https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/7757/tiramisu-cheesecake/)]

**Y/N:** what did i miss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \------Character List------
> 
> Claude → Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦  
> Hilda → Luka x Miku Lovechild  
> Lorenz Hellman Gloucester → I can get you fired I know the manager
> 
> Sylvain → If she breathes shes a thot  
> Mercedes → Momcedes
> 
> Dorothea → Y/N  
> Edelgard → I ran over the pope  
> Ferdinand von Aegir → Ferdielicious
> 
> Yuri → The remix
> 
> Leon → The original  
> Niles → OOOOH YESS  
> Inigo → Charli D’Amelio  
> Plumeria → All you wanna do <3
> 
> (Bonus Character)  
> Grima → Macavity’s not there!


	3. Art thou furry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inigo: ive been playing animal crossing new horizons the entire quarantine and im really enjoying it
> 
> plumeria: yall mind if i bring furries into this topic??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting back to writing after a long time of studying!  
> My college semester isn't entirely over, but currently I have a long enough break to upload a new chapter!
> 
> As mentioned in previous Chapter Notes, update will be very slow due an spike in my school workload.
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!

**14.52**

**Luka x Miku Lovechild changed Luka x Miku Lovechild’s username to Delicate Flower**

**Delicate Flower:** marianne wanted to try playing pokemon nuzlocke and we just completed pokemon platinum

**Delicate Flower:** can’t stop thinking about how in order to end a pokemon game, you, a 10 year old kid, actually have to end an adult’s career

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** I mean, there’s picking a fight with a kid then there’s picking a fight with a kid and losing

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** They retire out of shame

**Delicate Flower:** 🤔

**Delicate Flower:** they let a fucking 10 year old kid fist fight a god

**All you wanna do <3: ** Or retire out of major cringe if you will

**Delicate Flower:** who is a completely feral animal

**All you wanna do <3: ** Have you ever met a 10year old?

**All you wanna do <3: ** They will fist fight anybody who stand in their way

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Good point.

**Delicate Flower:** ok fair

**14.55**

**Charli D’Amelio logged on!**

**Charli D’Amelio:** all the residents in animal crossing are animals

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** That’s the entire point of the game, my dear cousin!

**All you wanna do <3: ** i see that’s the game you’ve been playing

**Delicate Flower:** yall let him finish

**Charli D’Amelio:** but what about the  _ animal  _ animals?

**All you wanna do <3: ** like mickey mouse’s dog?

**Delicate Flower:** what

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** HIS NAME IS PLUTO, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE

**Charli D’Amelio:** that’s got nothing to what i wanted to talk about but go off

**All you wanna do <3: ** like goofy and pluto

**Delicate Flower:** but  _ what  _ is pluto?

**Charli D’Amelio: 🤔**

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** I sort of accepted it as a slave economy at this point.

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Knowing the time in which Pluto debut, it could be possible.

**Delicate Flower:** goofy but pluto with sentience

**Delicate Flower:** pretty sure i just used the word wrong

**All you wanna do <3: ** oh you mean like that one cursed art of pluto?

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Yes

**Charli D’Amelio:** the what

**Delicate Flower:** ????

**All you wanna do <3: ** I remember coming across that kind of art on IG

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Basically it’s this really dark illustration that Pluto is a slave, squatting in a corner, watching Goofy and Friends being successful.

**Delicate Flower:** WTF??

**All you wanna do <3: ** yea that’s pretty much what it was

**Charli D’Amelio:** IN HUMAN FORMS OR????

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** Think: Zootopia

**Delicate Flower:** thanks <3

**Delicate Flower:** WAIT

**Delicate Flower:** HOW LONG HAS HUBERT BEEN IN THIS CHAT

**All you wanna do <3: ** since the beginning??

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** A good afternoon to you too, Hilda.

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** I assumed that you would know, because he was already online when I came online.

**Charli D’Amelio:** wait back to the fucking pluto fanart thing

**Charli D’Amelio:** you mean like a furry hybrid thing

**All you wanna do <3: ** what part of zootopia character design are you lost at?

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** It’s quite close to being a furry, but I guess Zootopia doesn’t hit the minimum requirement.

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** So basically, the Slave!Pluto art is furry hybrid.

**Delicate Flower:** w

**Delicate Flower:** what is the minimum requirement

**Charli D’Amelio:** goddess forgive me for i’m about to google “furry hybrid”

**All you wanna do <3: ** i imagine your fbi agent staring at the screen in disappointment

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** But I’m not disappointed in inigo?

**Charli D’Amelio:** thank you 💖💖💖💖

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** I’ve collaborated a list based on my own opinions.

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** 1) There must be some animal element

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** 2) There must be some human element

**Charli D’Amelio:** and floor is made out of floor

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** Let me finish, you fucking Troubador.

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** 3) It must be like something that resembles a human. For example: An animal with human anatomy; A human fully covered with animal fur/scales/feathers.

**Delicate Flower:** we r just gonna ignore the fact that owain is inigo’s fbi agent??

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKNESS THAN YOURS:** _ Don’t not question if you are not ready for the answer. _

**All you wanna do <3: ** ok back to topic

**Charli D’Amelio:** wait so does that mean that tony the tiger fit hubert’s list of requirements???

**All you wanna do <3: ** nvm get teh hell outta ht e topic

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** He does.

**Charli D’Amelio:** nice

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKNESS THAN YOURS:** This shall make for interesting categorisation.

**All you wanna do <3: ** what about cat girls?

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** I cannot believe I have to say it like that, but yes: Cat Girls are furry hybrids.

**All you wanna do <3: ** LMAO THAT MEANS NILES IS TECHNICALLY A FURRY

**Delicate Flower:** _ OWAIN YOU’RE RIGHT I’M NOT READY FOR THE ANSWERS _

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** I warned you.

**Charli D’Amelio:** wait so the entirety of Star Fox

**All you wanna do <3: ** inigo im gonna stop you right there

**Delicate Flower:** OH GODDESS THIS MEANS HORSE GIRLS TOO DONT THEY

**Delicate Flower:** THAT MEANS MARI AND FERDINAND

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** …

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** The Forbidden Knowledge.

**Delicate Flowers:** HUBES AND I

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** Please do not call me “Hubes”.

**Delicate Flowers:** L I S T E N

**All you wanna do <3: ** sometimes, it’s much better to keep your thoughts in your head

**Charli D’Amelio:** nothing felt more traitorous than the fact that your partners are furry lovers

**Charli D’Amelio:** WAIT FUCK THAT MEANNS GEROME IS A SCALIE

**15.35**

**Ferdielicious logged on!**

**Ferdielicious:** I am not a Furry, nor am I a Furry Hybrid!

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Denial is one of the main stages of Grief. We are here for your transition, dear friend.

**Ferdielicious:** Cease this at one, Owain!

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** We are here for you two as well, Hilda and Hubes. I understand that it isn’t easy with the new knowledge that a person you love has been a Furry-Hybrid all along.

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** And you too, my dearest cousin Inigo. I will support you throughout your grief.

**Charli D’Amelio:** thank you owain

**Delicate Flower:** OWAIN HOW DO YOU TYPE SO FAST

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** Please stop calling me “Hubes”.

**Ferdielicious:** Actually no, “Hubes” is really funny.

**All you wanna do <3: ** _ do fairies count _

**Delicate Flower:** OH NO PLUMERIA DONT

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** Hm…

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** I don’t believe so. They are already under a category of “Fae”.

**Charli D’Amelio:** someone give me admin i wanna change plumeria’s name

**All you wanna do <3: ** if you’re thinking of putting fairy emojis on my name, i’ll do it myself

**Charli D’Amelio:** fuck

**15.45**

**All you wanna do <3 changed All you wanna do <3’s username to All you wanna do 💖🧚✨!**

**Ferdielicious:** You know… I never got to learn why Inigo has no admin.

**Charli D’Amelio:** wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** That shall be a story for another chapter.

**Delicate Flower:** what chapter

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** HUBES HOW COULD YOU

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** Stop calling me “Hubes”.

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** why are you so reluctant on telling us why inigo’s admin rights were revoked

**Ferdielicious:** Please, my beloved? 🥺

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** …

**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** I’m on my way back to the rooms.

**Delicate Flower:** SIMP

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** simp

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Count Vestra, you are a Simp!

**Charli D’Amelio:** _ S I M P _

**Ferdielicious:** 🥰🥰

  
**And who could forget Dear Rat Boy:** Shut, every single one of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \------Character List------
> 
> Claude → Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦  
> Hilda → Delicate Flower  
> Lorenz Hellman Gloucester → I can get you fired I know the manager
> 
> Sylvain → If she breathes shes a thot  
> Mercedes → Momcedes
> 
> Dorothea → Y/N  
> Edelgard → I ran over the pope  
> Ferdinand von Aegir → Ferdielicious  
> Hubert → And who could forget dear Rat Boy
> 
> Yuri → The remix
> 
> Leon → The original  
> Niles → OOOOH YESS  
> Inigo → Charli D’Amelio  
> Plumeria → All you wanna do 💖🧚✨  
> Owain → MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS


	4. Inigo did goof'ed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why Inigo's admin rights were revoked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> niles: that comment did not age well no sir

**2.11**

**OOOOH YESS:** can yall stop exposing me for like

**OOOOH YESS:** 5 minutes

**The remix:** so you actually ARE furry

**The original:** don’t bother

**The original:** i saw him try to commission ignatz to drawing his fursona

**Y/N:** he what

**2.13**

**Y/N changed Y/N’s username to Dixie D’Amelio!**

**OOOH YESS:** i paid him a good amount and he still doesnt wanna draw my fursona

**Dixie D’Amelio:** ignatz is the artist, he can choose to turn down commissions if he want to.

**OOOH YESS:** but still

**The original:** you notice how he never approached bernadetta

**The remix:** bc bernie will BREAK his fucking arms and escape the crime scene

**Dixie D’Amelio:** I said: Thank you, I designed it.

**OOOH YESS:** nah i’m not that kinda person to do that to bernadetta

**The original:** excommunicated

**The remix:** aren’t we all

**Dixie D’Amelio:** speaking of excommunication

**Dixie D’Amelio:** @Charlie D’Amelio come get yall admin right juice

**2.19**

**Charli D’Amelio logged on!**

**Dixie D’Amelio:** _ S I K E _

**Charli D’Amelio:** _ DOROTHEA _

**OOOOH YESS:** oh right

**OOOOH YESS:** who was the one who revoked inigo’s rights

**The remix:** me

**Dixie D’Amelio:** why

**Charli D’Amelio:** please dont

**The remix:** it’s a 10 month punishment

**The original:** why stop at 10 months?

**The original:** go for a full year

**Charli D’Amelio:** LEON

**The remix:** you’re right

**Dixie D’Amelio:** gays let inigo breathe a little, please

**Charli D’Amelio:** thx sis  **💖**

**Dixie D’Amelio: 💖**

**OOOOH YESS:** wasnt inigo’s rights revoked after he brought a whole ass rat to the dressing room?

**Charli D’Amelio:** afhjsadbkf

**Dixie D’Amelio:** Yes he did  **💖💖**

**Charli D’Amelio:** _ B E T R A Y A L _

**The original:** a what in where

**The remix:** _ a rat in the dressing room _

**The remix:** during a rehearsal

**The remix:** inigo brought a fucking rat into the dressing room during last year’s rehearsal

**Charli D’Amelio:** LISTEN

**Charli D’Amelio:** THE POOR BABY WAS SHIVERING IN THE RAIN

**The remix:** THATS NOT A FUCKING BABY

**The remix:** WERE YOU TRYING TO BRING BACK THE BUBONIC PLAGUE IN THE STUDIO

**OOOH YESS:** that comment did not age well no sir

**Charli D’Amelio:** THEY WERE HIDING UNDER A CARDBOARD IN AN ALLEY AND I FELT REALLY BAD FOR THEM

**The remix:** DOES IT LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MISSING PET TO YOU

**The remix:** DOES IT

**Charli D’Amelio:** I FELT REALLY BAD FOR HIM OKAY???

**The original:** wait but why would you change the group icon and description to rats

**Dixie D’Amelio:** yurikins caught the rat and forced it to watch Ratatouille the entire night

**The original:** w

**The original:** how

**Dixie D’Amelio:** and to spite yurikins, inigo decided to change the entire group theme to ratatouille

**OOOH YESS:** goddess at the time i was 5 months clean and i thought accidentally had dose of drugs and was back to zero progress

**Dixie D’Amelio:** and you’ve been doing so well  **💖** 1 year clean  **💖💖**

**The remix:** i support you niles but INIGO

**The remix:** THAT RAT HAD RABIES

**The remix:** YOU KNOW THE RISKS OF RABIES ON HUMANS

**The original:** humans can get rabies????

**Dixie D’Amelio:** @Delicate Flower put marianne on the phone right now

**2.40**

**Delicate Flower logged on!**

**Delicate Flower:** DOROTHEA IT’S 2 AM RIGHT NOW

**The remix:** get marianne on the phone right now

**Delicate Flower:** PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO S L E EP

**Delicate Flower:** WHY

**Dixie D’Amelio:** marianne worked with vets during the semester breaks right?

**Delicate Flower:** YES BUT WHY

**The remix:** scroll up

**Delicate Flower:** oh

**OOOH YESS:** isnt rabies what the dog got before he was old yellered

**The original:** the dog’s name is Old Yeller you uncultured slut

**Delicate Flower:** Hello, Marianne here.

**Delicate Flower:** Can I know why you’re all still awake at this hour?

**OOOH YESS:** why are  _ you  _ awake?

**Delicate Flower:** Please answer my question first.

**OOOH YESS:** idk i was bored

**The original:** editing a makeup tutorial video for my youtube channel

**The remix:** exposing inigo

**Charli D’Amelio:** GETTING FUCKING EXPOSED

**Dixie D’Amelio:** originally woke up to pee but petra is sleeping on my titties so i can’t move or she wakes up

**Delicate Flower:** That is bad for your body, please wake Petra up.

**OOOH YESS:** so why are  _ you  _ up at this hour

**Delicate Flower:** Depression.

**Delicate Flower:** So what is the important topic that needed my attention?

**The remix:** what can rabies do to a human?

**Delicate Flower:** Oh.

**Delicate Flower:** Was it because of Inigo’s rat?

**Charli D’Amelio:** HIS NAME IS FERID

**The remix:** YOU NAMED THE FUCKING RAT FERID

**OOOH YESS:** im sorry what

**OOOH YESS:** depression??? In marianne?????

**The original:** it’s more likely than you think

**OOOH YESS:** get that bitch out of her head he dont belong there

**The remix:** hey man let marianne finish typing

**Delicate Flower:** Although rodents are most commonly associated with rabies, most of the time it is actually transferred via dogs. However, this doesn’t mean that rats cannot carry rabies.

**Charli D’Amelio:** oh

**Delicate Flower:** The virus can spread through an open wound.

**The remix:** you read that inigo?

**The remix:** open wound

**The remix:** who scratched their leg on a prop that day?

**The remix:** the choreographer

**The remix:** your mother

**Delicate Flower:** Once infected, an individual can incubate rabies without side effects for up to three months, and can last for up to a year. This starts with symptoms that can easily be misdiagnosed and passed off as a common flu.

**Charli D’Amelio:** oh

**Delicate Flower:** The next set of symptoms gets far more severe, it causes trouble with the central nervous system, drastically decreasing the chance of survival drastically.

**Delicate Flower:** But the symptoms is completely affected by the type of rabies.

**The remix:** you fucking read all that inigo?

**The remix:** should’ve revoked your rights for 2 more years

**Delicate Flower:** Taking an stray rat in an alleyway is a good intention. But it is not necessarily a good idea if you don’t know the risks that come along with the rat.

**Charli D’Amelio:** yikes

**Charli D’Amelio:** im sorry

**The remix:** _ NOW  _ you’re sorry?

**Charli D’Amelio:** (‘*’)

**Delicate Flower:** Also yes Niles. Rabies is what Old Yeller got.

**OOOH YESS:** HOT DAMN

**The original:** finally finished editing

**The original:** damn inigo’s mom could’ve gotten rabies

**Charli D’Amelio:** :’’’’(

**The remix:** This is why your fucking rights were revoked

**The remix:** you’re not getting it back until you graduate

**Dixie D’Amelio:** wait but this doesnt explain why yurikins catch the rat and forced him to watch ratatouille

**Delicate Flower:** huh

**OOOH YESS:** LMAO WHAT

**The remix:** stray feral rats are sent to the Gay Baby Jail to atone for their  _ s i n s _

**The original:** that’s just the rat’s execution method

**OOOH YESS:** **execution music plays**

**Dixie D’Amelio:** yukirins is monokuma confirmed

**Charli D’Amelio:** LMOAOOO WHAT

**The remix:** now that the “mystery” of inigo’s admin rights has been disclosed

**The remix:** i shall now catch my beauty sleep

**The remix:** goodnight my fellow rats

**Dixie D’Amelio:** goodnight yurikins <3

**Delicate Flower:** Can I go now?

**Dixie D’Amelio:** yes you can <3 sweet dreams

**Delicate Flower:** Thank you

**3.01**

**2 users logged off!**

  
**The original:** we’re just gonna ignore dorothea comparing yuri being monokuma?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \------Character List------
> 
> Claude → Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦  
> Hilda → Delicate Flower  
> Lorenz Hellman Gloucester → I can get you fired I know the manager
> 
> Sylvain → If she breathes shes a thot  
> Mercedes → Momcedes
> 
> Dorothea → Dixie D’Amelio  
> Edelgard → I ran over the pope  
> Ferdinand von Aegir → Ferdielicious  
> Hubert → And who could forget dear RatBoy
> 
> Yuri → The remix
> 
> Leon → The original  
> Niles → OOOOH YESS  
> Inigo → Charli D’Amelio  
> Plumeria → All you wanna do 💖🧚✨  
> Owain → MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS


	5. L is for Leave room for the Goddess and Social Distance please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're going outside, please remember to:  
> \- Social Distance / Stand 6 feet apart from each other  
> \- Wear a mask  
> \- Mind your own business in the presence of a couple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \------Character List (Updated)------
> 
> Claude → **Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦**  
>  Hilda → **Delicate Flower**  
>  Lorenz Hellman Gloucester → **I can get you fired I know the manager**
> 
> Sylvain → **If she breathes shes a thot**  
>  Mercedes → **Momcedes**
> 
> Dorothea → **Dixie D’Amelio**  
>  Edelgard → **I ran over the pope**  
>  Ferdinand von Aegir → **Ferdielicious**  
>  Hubert → **And who could forget dear RatBoy**
> 
> Yuri → **The remix**
> 
> Leon → **The original**  
>  Niles → **OOOOH YESS**  
>  Inigo → **Charli D’Amelio**  
>  Plumeria → **All you wanna do 💖🧚✨**  
>  Owain → **MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS**
> 
> Bylese (F! Byleth) → **Women want me, Fish fear me**

**08.41**

**If she breathes shes a thot:** so yall know how us Workout Squad go out to workout right

**I ran over the pope:** What is it this time?

**Ferdielicious:** Actually it has to do with  _ your _ name, Edelgard…

**I ran over the pope:** Someone who isn’t me ran over Rhea?

**If she breathes shes a thot:** not really

**Ferdielicious:** But it does involve Lady Rhea.

**I ran over the pope:** Just tell me what the hell is going on over there.

**08.43**

**The original logged on!**

**The original:** Someone tell me why the hell did I just see Mila and Rhea together

**I ran over the pope:** That’s it?

**I ran over the pope:** I thought it was something more significant.

**If she breathes shes a thot:** LMAO WHAT

**Ferdielicious:** Of course she would say that, why was I expecting something else.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** ok but fr tho y r they on a date

**Ferdielicious:** Oh right! I remember!

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** share your Wisdom, Ferdinand von Aegir

**Ferdielicious:** I believe that Professor Byleth has to do with Mila and Lady Rhea on a date. In our animal group chat, 

**The original:** The group with the animal science kids???? Why the hell were you in the group you’re a political art student????

**I ran over the pope:** I remember Petra mentioning being added into the group as well, and she claimed that it was because she’s in the Hunting Society.

**If she breathes shes a thot:** THEY LET FERDINAND VON AEGIR IN BECAUSE HES A HORSE BOY

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** ykw that makes so much sense

**Ferdielicious:** And I remember reading that Mila was lonely and wants to be in a relationship with someone.

**Ferdielicious:** And Lady Rhea happened to be single as well.

**Ferdielicious:** After clarifications that Mila and Lady Rhea were not related in anyway, Professor Byleth decided to set them up on a date.

**The original:** huh

**I ran over the pope:** Professor did  _ what _ .

**If she breathes shes a thot:** lmao the absolute mad lad

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** times have been hard since the great arson of garreg mach

**The original:** nasty

**The original:** the pope and one of the school professor??

**The original:** engaging in premarital hand holding?

**The original:** disgusting

**If she breathes shes a thot:** LEON

**If she breathes shes a thot:** THERE ARE CHILDREN READING THIS

**Ferdielicious:** Oh what sinful act! ///

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** RHEA AND MILA BEEN BUSY HUH

**I ran over the pope:** Disgusting, they’re not even attempting social distancing at this point.

**Ferdielicious:** Now that you mention it, Edelgard…

**Ferdielicious:** They really aren’t following social distancing rules…

**If she breathes shes a thot:** didnt they share a fucking drink

**The original:** they drank out of the same straw

**The original:** wait i see u im coming over

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** seteth gonna have a whole ass stroke when he hears about this

**I ran over the pope:** What do you mean, Claude? Seteth himself have been engaging in premarital sex with the Professor.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** AKAKSKDJ I MEANT THE SOCIAL DISTANCING RULES

**If she breathes shes a thot:** they just fucking kissed

**If she breathes shes a thot:** mila really risking it all for the Sacred Thicc Pope Tiddy huh

**I ran over the pope:** Can we please stop calling rhea the fucking "Thicc Pope" and stop addressing her fucking boobs

**I ran over the pope:** FOR 10 SECONDS

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** by the pope's protection, mila will not be excommunicated 🤭

**The original:** what's the beef between you and rhea

**Ferdielicious:** Family church secrets.

**The original:** i didnt fucking ask you ferdinand

**The original:** and you’re right beside me so just say it to my face

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** oho? Church Secrets?

**I ran over the pope:** It is none of your concern but it does involve my birth father.

**If she breathes shes a thot:** does edelgard have a bad father too? Is that why your mom remarried?

**I ran over the pope:** No, it was a mutual divorce. I used to visit him on weekends.

**If she breathes shes a thot:** false alarm bois 😢

**I ran over the pope:** Besides, me running her over was an accident.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** LMAO YEA SURE “ACCIDENT”

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOUR MAJESTY

**I ran over the pope:** Claude.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** YOU SAW HER IN THE DISTANCE AND WHEN DIMITRI SAID “EL WATCH OUT FOR RHEA”, YOU HIT THE FUCKING GAS AND ZOOMED FOR RHEA’S ASS

**Ferdielicious:** Ah, this tea is lukewarm.

**The original:** can we go back to the original topic at hand

**09.01**

**Women want me, Fish fear me logged on!**

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** I am disappointed to find out that I lost the bet with the teaching staff.

**I ran over the pope:** Oh, hello Professor Bylese. :)

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** But not only that, I would like everyone to know that Seteth is indeed disappointed.

**If she breathes shes a thot:** why is he disappointed

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** You guys already said it: They were engaging in premarital h*nd h*lding

**The original:** oh goddess

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Rhea and Mila didn’t leave room for the Goddess.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** hey teach

**Ferdielicious:** This got me thinking.

**Ferdielicious:** Is Rhea what Sylvain would call a “MILF”?

**If she breathes shes a thot:** O

**The original:** SYLVAIN YOU DUMBASS

**I ran over the pope:** You got caught didn’t you?

**The original:** THEY HEARD SYLVAIN COUGH AND MILA ROLLED UP HER SLEEVES AND SHE HAS FUCKING BICEPS

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Oh? Just Mila?

**The original:** WHAT

**Ferdielicious:** Running right now because Mila is coming for us send help

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** What about Rhea?

**If she breathes shes a thot:** LAST I SAW HER SHE WAS STILL CHILLING

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** praying for yall but can yall get lorenz to pick up milk from the store

**The original:** GO TO THE STORE YOURSELF

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** i cant

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** watching lysithea play animal crossing now

**I ran over the pope:** Actually, Ferdinand. Could you buy some cheese while you’re at it?

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Still out of cheese?

**I ran over the pope:** For both the Black Eagles and Blue Lions

**If she breathes shes a thot:** WHEN WE SURVIVE

**If she breathes shes a thot:** CAN WE FUCKING RUN FROM THE BUFF GREEN LADY FIRST?

**I ran over the pope:** Just run faster.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** scatter to confuse mila

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Just go into the male restroom.

**The original:** BYLESE IM NB I CANT CHOOSE

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Then die by Mila’s hands.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** hell hath no fury than a woman scorned

**Ferdielicious:** Lady Rhea stopped Mila from chasing us! We have been saved!

**Ferdielicious:** We're not getting saved Rhea whipped out a gun what do we do

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** LMAO WHAT

**I ran over the pope:** What

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** “May the goddess guide your souls to the underworld”

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** I’ll distract her, you kids run to the nearest restrooms and hide.

**9.19**

**Women want me, Fish fear me logged off!**

**The original:** professor bylese called

**I ran over the pope:** Are you trying to talk about her phone that is Nokia?

**The original:** yes

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** the indestructible phone

**The original:** running right now

**The original:** which gender should i go into

**If she breathes shes a thot:** THEY CAN CATCH YOU IF YOU GO INTO THE WOMENS ROOM

**The original:** k

**Ferdielicious:** Hubert just texted me

**Ferdielicious:** Edelgard, get out of the car  _ now _ .

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** EDELGARD IS IN THE CAR??

**I ran over the pope:** @And who could forget Dear RatBoy How dare you betray me.

**9.24**

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy logged on!**

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** My apologies, Lady Edelgard. I thought you were going to run Rhea over again.

**If she breathes shes a thot:** wdym aint saving us why she got into the car in the first place

**I ran over the pope:** Sylvain is right, Hubert. I’m trying to get to the grocery store.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** press x to doubt

**And who could forget Dear Ratboy:** X

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** LMAO WAIT HUBES I WAS KIDDING

**I ran over the pope:** Hubert.

**Ferdielicious:** We made it to the restrooms.

**I ran over the pope:** You are not my Best Friend anymore, Dorothea is.

**I ran over the pope:** You are not allowed to sit with us during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We cannot twin anymore, so you cannot wear the same theme of shirts as me.

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** But

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** oh no hubes :(

**I ran over the pope:** I expect our Church Burning Plans back in my room by 5pm

**If she breathes shes a thot:** Church Burning Plans

**I ran over the pope:** You are to forfeit all kinds of chemicals you have in your possession to the Professor immediately.

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** …

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** oh man

**Ferdielicious:** Edelgard? Hubert?

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** f in the chats for our boy hubes

**09.46**

**Women want me, Fish fear me logged on!**

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** I’m back.

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Oh.

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Bad time?

**I ran over the pope:** I’m just kidding Hubert. You’re still my Best Friend, but I’m really trying to go to the store.

**Ferdielicious:** Hubert?

**I ran over the pope:** Hubert??

**If she breathes shes a thot:** my boy hubes probably crying

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** not gonna lie edelgard thats harsh af

**I ran over the pope:** Goddess, Hubert if it really did make you cry, I’m sorry.

**I ran over the pope:** @The original @Ferdielicious @If she breathes shes a thot Where did you all last saw Rhea?

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** **_chotto matte_ **

**If she breathes shes a thot:** don’t fucking do it

**Ferdielicious:** Hubert, don’t you dare tag along!

**The original:** u remember kiran mama and her bakery business? Right about there

**I ran over the pope:** Sacrifices has to be made.

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** Unfortunately.

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** It’s not worth it, Edelgard.

**Woman want me, Fish fear me:** At best you will end up dead by Grima’s hands.

**I ran over the pope:** :(

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** ngl i would kill edelgard too if kiran mama dies

**If she breathes shes a thot:** kiran’s mama is more of a mom than mine will ever be

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** Choose your words carefully, Riegan.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** whatcha gonna do hubes? U r a whole ass skeleton in this world of twinks

**The original:** “A whole ass skeleton in this world of twinks” IM

**I ran over the pope:** ...I’m gonna go get groceries now.

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Remember your mask, Edelgard. Don’t text and drive. :)

**I ran over the pope:** Thanks Professor.

**09.57**

**I ran over the pope logged off!**

  
**If she breathes shes a thot:** just realised that hubert accepted his title of “hubes”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~I uploaded this when i really should be paying attention to my online class lmao~~


	6. 7.24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "people who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying"
> 
> me: shut up and happy birthday Claude von Riegan

**04.20**

**2 users logged on!**

**Delicate Flower:** @Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦 happy birthday u sexy bitch

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** omg

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** u remembered

**Delicate Flower:** ofc i remembered

**Delicate Flower:** i’m a Delicate Flower

**Delicate Flower:** not Delicately Forgetful

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** 🥺

**Delicate Flower:** @All wake up thotties we got a birthday to celebrate

**4.25**

**14 users logged on!**

**Dixie D’Amelio:** HILDA

**Dixie D’Amelio:** IT’S THE FUCKING CRACK OF DAWN

**Dixie D’Amelio:** SO ANYWAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAY

**Delicate Flower:** maybe if you stanned the golden deer this wouldn’t have happened

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Excuse me?!

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Also Happy Birthday Claude.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** wowenz 🥺

**If she breathes shes a thot:** a drink to the birthday boy

**If she breathes shes a thot:** orange juice bc he’s not of age yet

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** thanks

**Momcedes:** Happy Birthday Claude! Annette and I will bake a birthday cake for you later today!

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: 🥺🥺** thank u mercie 🥺

**I ran over the pope:** Happy Birthday Claude.

**Ferdielicious:** Happy Birthday Claude!

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** You are one day closer to death

**Delicate Flower:** don’t say that hubes!!!

**OOOH YESS:** that’s just how it be sometimes

**Charli D’Amelio:** happy bitshday claudw

**Charli D’Amelio:** its too early im goin back to bed

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** It _is_ too early to celebrate. But Happy Birthday nonetheless.

**Delicate Flower:** there is no such thing as too early to celebrate a birthday professor omggg

**Momcedes:** Professor is right though. It is still too early for us to bake a cake. :(

**Momcedes:** So I’m going back to sleep. Goodnight and see you in the morning!

**4.32**

**7 users logged off!**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** :(

**The remix:** ommgggg happie birthday khaliddd

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** i cant sweem :(

**OOOH YESS:** wa

**OOOH YESS:** your name is khalid

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** yea my birthname

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** i took the name “claude” because no one in my middle school could pronounce my name right

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** i ended getting too used to it

**Delicate Flower:** i was the only one who continued to call u “khalid” :( but then u made me call u “claude”

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** oh

**Delicate Flower:** BUT IF YURI GET TO CALL U “KHALID” I GET TO CONTINUE CALLING U BY YOUR BIRTH NAME

**The original:** bby boi dont be ashamed by your birthright :(

**Delicate Flower:** WE DONT SUPPORT BIRTHRIGHT SHAMING IN THIS CHAT UNLESS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT IS TOXIC

**If she breathes shes a thot:** oh thank goddess bc i was about to disagree on “not birthright shaming”

**Macavity’s not there:** same

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MASTER TACTICTION

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** ALSO GREETINGS DARK LORD GRIMA IT’S BEEN A WHILE

**Macavity’s not there:** happy birthday claude 

**Macavity’s not there:** open your door at exactly 12pm tonight

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** YEAH SURE THAT TOTALLY AINT CREEPY AT ALL 

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** yall pray for our birthday boy claude here, he just turned 18 and he’s already dead

**Macavity’s not there:** relax it’s nothing that can land you a life sentence

**OOOH YESS:** this implies that it can at least land khalid sentence of some sort

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** i mean im just saying

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** anyways khalid try not to die

**4.45**

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨ logged off!**

**Delicate Flower:** yall dont scare khalid like that

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** 🥺

**The original:** it’s great to wake up and celebrate khalid’s birthday and all but THE SUN AINT EVEN OUT YET

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** Imagine having a stable sleeping schedule.

**The remix:** ok no but my clone is right tho

**The original:** oi

**The remix:** there is such thing as being “too early” to celebrate a birthday

**If she breathes shes a thot:** lmao u say that as if you’re not playing an otome game

**The remix:** 👀

**4.50**

**3 users logged off!**

**If she breathes shes a thot:** they’re both coming to kill me arent they

**OOOH YESS:** no owain passed out

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** Why did you turn down Lady Edelgard’s offer to buy you guys self defense weapons?

**OOOH YESS:** hubes seems like the kind of person who says “stan edelgard” when someone dies

**If she breathes shes a thot:** ok but hubes in my defense i thought that it was an exaggeration and i was too confident in dima’s inhumane strength

**If she breathes shes a thot:** and

**4.52**

**If she breathes shes a thot logged off!**

**Delicate Flower:** did he fucking die

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** hilda would you say “stan claude/khalid” if someone dies 🥺

**Delicate Flower:** no because i respect the dead thots

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** drinking our daily dose of respecc dead juice

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** Yet that is the exact thing you said to Dorothea.

**Delicate Flower:** shhhh hubes

**OOOH YESS:** damn get me some friendship like this

**Macavity’s not there:** no

**OOOH YESS:** i wasnt even talking to u

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** so if i were to open my door at exactly 12pm

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** so it’s safe to assume that i can find grima hanging outside before 12

**Macavity’s not there:** wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy:** At this point in time, we can’t exactly afford a coffin for Khalid.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** wait im gonna die??

**Delicate Flower:** yet edie can afford to offer weapons for the blue lions house??? What about the golden deers?????

**OOOH YESS:** dont yall got lorenz

**Delicate Flower:** oh right

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** 👀

**Delicate Flower:** 👀

**Macavity’s not there:** alright im gonna go prepare your present now

**Macavity’s not there:** see yall

**5.05**

**Macavity’s not there logged off!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I checked the Claude's wikipedia page like 5 times in a span of minute to make sure that I got his birthdate right


	7. Clowning around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clowning around on what had happened the past week!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \------Character List (Updated)------
> 
> Claude → Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦  
> Hilda → Delicate Flower  
> Lorenz Hellman Gloucester → I can get you fired I know the manager
> 
> Sylvain → If she breathes shes a thot  
> Mercedes → Momcedes
> 
> Dorothea → Dixie D’Amelio  
> Edelgard → I ran over the pope  
> Ferdinand von Aegir → Ferdielicious  
> Hubert → And who could forget dear RatBoy
> 
> Yuri → The remix
> 
> Leon → The original  
> Niles → OOOOH YESS  
> Inigo → Charli D’Amelio  
> Plumeria → All you wanna do 💖🧚✨  
> Owain → MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS
> 
> Bylese (F! Byleth) → Women want me, Fish fear me

**19.56**

**The remix logged on!**

**The remix:** hey can y’all do me a favor? If y’all have telegram messenger

**Dixie D’Amelio:** Sure what is it

**The remix:** [ https://t.me/addstickers/CursedMimes ](https://t.me/addstickers/CursedMimes)

**I can get you fired I know the manager:**.

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Why.

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** WHAT IS THIS

**The remix:** it is exactly what it is

**Dixie D’Amelio:** YURIBIRD

**Dixie D’Amelio:** IS THIS WHAT YOU FUCKING MEANT BY “CATCHING UP” WITH BERN

**The remix:** yes

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Mr Mime is one of the many Pokemon who has been cursed with way too much power…

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** I am very uncomfortable with the energy we have created today.

**20.01**

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨ logged on!**

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** why did i think that mr mime’s horns would have fur

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** They are horns???

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** They are not horns! They are growths that are supposed to resemble clown hair!

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Owain, that does not reassure me any less!

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** anygays

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** lorenz how was the party yesterday

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** we couldnt make it bc social distancing

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Oh?

**The remix:** WELL

**The remix:** DO YALL WANNA KNOW WHAT THE FUCK DID GRIMA BRING TO KHALID’S BIRTHDAY?

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** death?

**The remix:** NO HIS PARENTS

**The remix:** GRIMA’S BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR KHALID

**The remix:** WAS HIS FUCKING PARENTS

**The remix:** I CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** He left after appearing with Khalid’s parents, only to come back 30 minutes later with Mercedes, Annette and Bernadetta with cake baked with Mrs Otterwald’s recipe!

**Delicate Flower:** whos mrs otterwald

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Kiran’s mother!

**Dixie D’Amelio:** yall the entire time khalid was crying in the damn bathroom

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** i mean i would too if some shady bitch told me to open the door at exactly 12pm with no context only to find out that he delivered my fucking parents who i have not seen since the start of the quarantine

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Believe it or not, as long as Grima found you entertaining, he will ensure that you deserve the best things in life!

**The remix:** “as long as Grima found you entertaining” thanks owain

**Dixie D’Amelio:** “some shady bitch”

**Delicate Flower:** don’t let grima see that

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** what’s he gonna do? Cough on me?

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** jokes on him, medical masks are my daily aesthetics and i do my hand sanitiser skincare everyday

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Do NOT put HAND SANITISER on your FACE!

**Delicate Flower:** no no plumeria continue

**Delicate Flower:** i’m at the cleansing part when should i put the sanitiser

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** DO NOT PUT HAND SANITISER ON YOUR FACE STOP THIS RIGHT NOW HILDA AND PLUMERIA.

**Dixie D’Amelio:** no no keep going

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** So did only the Golden Deer celebrate?

**The remix:** no the former ppl of garreg mach came

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** why

**Dixie D’Amelio:** it marked the day we transferred to this college remember?

**Dixie D’Amelio:** Rich Kids paid the hotel staff to tolerate our bullshit for about until the monastery is rebuilt

**The remix:** that’s a lot of amount of money

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Do not worry. I have enough.

**Delicate Flower:** ayy how much is “enough”

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Enough.

**The remix:** wow can’t relate

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** do yall got leftovers

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** idk i need an excuse to go outside

**Delicate Flower:** yes come quick

**Delicate Flower:** lysithea is eating them all so u gotta take them quick

**Dixie D’Amelio:** pretty sure lysithea can’t eat it all right?

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** You all underestimate The Mistress of the Dark!

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** please just say her name

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** But Owain is right! You all underestimate Lysithea!

**Delicate Flower:** i managed to save a plate for u

**Delicate Flower:** but if u can’t make it on time just @ mercie and she gives u the recipe

**20.14**

**Momcedes logged on!**

**Momcedes:** Actually, Grima was the one who gave us the recipe! But after we finished baking, he took back all the recipe and we never saw him again.

**The remix:** uh oh sisters

**Momcedes:** Also, I have telegram messenger! Thank you for the Mr Mime stickers!

**The remix:** you’re welcome

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** wheres the living space im on my way

**Delicate Flower:** i dm’ed u the location come quick

**Momcedes:** Please turn off you phone, Plumeria. Do not text and drive!

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** k mom

**20.17**

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨ logged off!**

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** I was about to ask her which flavor she wants.

**Delicate Flower:** oh right

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** There’s… more than one flavor?

**Dixie D’Amelio:** owain did u really think that there will be only 1 flavor for a whole floor of people?

**Momcedes:** We made Chocolate, Cookies and Cream, Cheesecake, and Birthday Cake!

**The remix:** i like how the cake flavors are just 3Cs and 1B like my grades be looking during this time

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Birthday Cake flavor???? 

**Momcedes:**?

**Delicate Flower:** idk chief it tastes like neapolitan

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** But birthday cake??? Can be????? Any flavor??????

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:**??????

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Hilda help me

**Delicate Flower:** No

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** I didn’t even say what yet

**Delicate Flower:** im not gonna take the cake away from lysithea

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** Fair.

**Dixie D’Amelio:** ok but fr tho i’m still waiting for that hand sanitiser skin tutorial

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Inigo requests that we go back to the Mr Mime! telegram stickers

**Momcedes:** Oh you’re with Inigo?

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** He has been here since the lockdown happened! 

**Delicate Flower:** yo tell inigo to stop being lazy and come online to tell us himself

**Momcedes:** A bold statement from you, Hilda. ^^

**Dixie D’Amelio:** no hes right what the fuck is going on with that mr mime

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** What compelled you two to make this sticker pack?

**The remix:** bernie came up with the idea

**Dixie D’Amelio:** no she didnt

**The remix:** you’re right she didnt

**The remix:** i did

**The remix:** she did all the editing

**The remix:** i provided the images

**The remix:** i also encouraged her to resume her digital drawing experience

**Dixie D’Amelio:** YURI

**The remix:** hey i encouraged her nonetheless

**Momcedes:** Try not to be too much of a bad influence to Bernadetta, please Yuri.

**The remix:** no can’t do mom

**Momcedes:** That wasn’t a request.

**Delicate Flower:** mercie rlly said “im a healer but”

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** That’s just how clerics are, Delicate Flower! Especially the Holy Knights and Troubadours!

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** What is the difference?

**The remix:** in my defense we were both sleep deprived

**Dixie D’Amelio:** i will not have you corrupting my precious bern as long as us lesbians live in the same space as her

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** That’s… a lot of people…

**Delicate Flower:** wait how many lesbians are there in this chat

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Well including The Trickster, there are about 8 lesbians. Every single person in this chat is about some form of Queer! :)

**The remix:** oi

**Dixie D’Amelio:** YURIKINS THE LESBIAN

**Dixie D’Amelio:** DRUNK SYLVAIN RESURFACES

**20.35**

**If she breathes shes a thot logged on!**

**If she breathes shes a thot:** ppleas ee;; i beg offyyou… stopp talkin g about ddurnk me ;;;

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** I’m afraid not, dear friend.

**Dixie D’Amelio:** then beg

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Durnk

**The remix:** durnk

**Momcedes:** I’m not lesbian, but I am bisexual!

**Delicate Flower:** valid

**Momcedes:** When I was younger, Professor Byleth and Bylese were my seniors in highschool and they were my bisexual awakening! :)

**I can get you fired I know the manager:** what

**Dixie D’Amelio:** but the wlw are about 99% of the population of this school

**Dixie D’Amelio:** yurikins i will not have you corrupting our dearest bern as long as more than 4 wlw are in the same living space as you!

**The remix:** damn

**The remix:** ok but look

**The remix:** you’re a little too late

**The remix:** we are already in the process of starting a new sticker pack

**Dixie D’Amelio:** GODDESS NO

**The remix:** but this one is going to be of that one stonks meme man

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** The forbidden deals

**If she breathes shes a thot:** dealer show us your wares

**The remix:**

  
**Delicate Flower:** I HAVE COIN

**Dixie D'Amelio:** brb im gonna stop that fucking clown

**20.45**

**Dixie D'Amelio logged off!**

**20.45**

****All you wanna do 💖🧚✨ logged on!** **

****All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:**** ok im back what did i miss

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:**.

**All you wanna do 💖🧚✨:** damn mercie u valid

**If she breathes shes a thot:** remember when we showed up to kiran's house for free cake and professor panne said that the entire beagles were fucking clowns climbing out of ferdie's small ass car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: **I** made the Mr Mime Telegram Stickers. Most of my friends use Telegram Messenger so one of us had to make the sticker set at one point.


	8. Annather one bites the dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It has been a while since we were last on campus! I actually can't wait for class!" Ferdinand texted Edelgard, "I wonder if anything has changed."
> 
> "IDK. The lockdown delayed all repairs and upgrades the campus needs. Probs won't have much change." Edelgard replied. Ferdinand could not help but agree.
> 
> He made his way to his destination, looking up from his phone only to spot something, or _someone_. Ferdinand stopped. Then he took cautious steps towards the figure.
> 
> He gasped.
> 
> Ferdinand quickly opened his Camera App, and snapped a picture.

**Ferdielicious:** I was on my way to class and saw this girl!

**Ferdielicious:** [ [ Anna lying unconscious on the ground, surrounded by debris. There is a really large hole in the ceiling](https://w1tt0b1tt0.tumblr.com/post/626795285210923008/w1tt0b1tt0-wanted-to-try-something-new-on-my) ]

**Charli D’Amelio:** oh so that’s where Anna went

**Ferdielicious:** What??? Happened to Anna???

**09.01**

**3 users logged on!**

**The remix:** WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT LOUD ASS CRASH

**Charli D’Amelio:** we were supposed to be practicing for our exams and professor lewyn said she smelled like weed

**Charli D’Amelio:** so he sent her to the discipline office

**Charli D’Amelio:** the thing about the art building is that there is one part of the floor that is very creaky and the structure looks like its gonna break anytime

**Charli D’Amelio:** guess anna is the unlucky victim

**The remix:** am i the only one here still thinking about how professor lewyn knows what weed smell like

**Momcedes:** Ferdinand, bring her to the Nurse’s Office right now!

**Momcedes:** Miss Flayn is in charge of the office today!

**I ran over the pope:** I noticed that we do not have an Anna in this chat.

**Charli D’Amelio:** wdym

**I ran over the pope:** Think about it.

**I ran over the pope:** There is at least one Anna in all other group chats.

**I ran over the pope:** Except for this one.

**The remix:** this group is for the excommunicated ones only tho

**Momcedes:** I have a comment about your statement, Leon!

**The remix:** oh?

**The remix:** mercie?

**The remix:** you’re approaching me?

**Momcedes:** I can’t comment on your statement if I don’t get closer! >:(

**The remix:** very well, come as close as you need

**Momcedes:** I go to the local church every Sunday. One of the Annas happens to go there as well. But the one thing I noticed about the local church is how most of the attendees are always slurring their words, acting drunk. Sometimes they even lash out without warning!

**Charli D’Amelio:** spoopy spapy spepepon

**Momcedes:** One day, I walked in on Anna swapping the church’s frankincense with marijuana.

**Charli D’Amelio:** WHAT

**I ran over the pope:** That… was not what I was expecting…

**Ferdielicious:** Sacrilege!

**09.10**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦 logged on!**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** can yall be quiet im trying to play subway surfers

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** did inigo just fucking say spoopy spapy spepepon without crediting me

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** bruh i said that in a moment of fear

**09.11**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦 logged off!**

**Momcedes:** Apparently Anna was running a scam business where she sells the frankincense as “Fodlan’s Throat Salt Lamp”.

**Momcedes:** She gave me a small dose of marijuana to keep the secret.

**I ran over the pope:** And now the secret is out.

**I ran over the pope:** I like her actions.

**Momcedes:** Throughout the entirety that day’s prayers, I couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes!

**09.13**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦 logged on!**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** leonie dared me to attend the local church prayers once and i accidentally opened my eyes and saw rhea doing the stanky leg

**09.13**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦 logged on!**

**Charli D’Amelio:** LMAO WHAT

**The remix:** anna is going places. Not to heaven but places.

**I ran over the pope:** I like that Anna. Mercedes, do you happen to know _which_ Anna was it?

**Momcedes:** I believe it’s the Theatrical Arts Anna. She was wearing a Katherine Howard cosplay while she was at it.

**I ran over the pope:** Good.

**I ran over the pope:** Let’s add this Anna to the chat.

**The remix:** do we even have her contacts in the first place????

**Charli D’Amelio:** i do but im gonna have to go through 6 anna contacts

**Ferdielicious:** I could bring her to the Nurse’s Office and wait for her to wake up so I could ask her!

**I ran over the pope:** You’re already late for class.

**Ferdielicious:** Oh.

**Momcedes:** I’m helping Miss Flayn in the Nurse’s Office today. Just leave her here and I’ll do my best to take care of her!

**Ferdielicious:** Wonderful! I will be there soon!

**Charli D’Amelio:** yall ever think about why theres so many annas in this school

**I ran over the pope:** 2 Annas work part-time in our living space.

**Momcedes:** Back in the Monastery, there is a snack store run by an Anna.

**The remix:** im in class right now and there is a whole anna in here

**Charli D’Amelio:** damn anna’s parents really said “copy paste printer error”

**The remix:** they are trying for a shiny anna with perfect IVs and EVs

**Momcedes:** Shiny Anna has blue hair compared to her red-haired sisters! ^^

**I ran over the pope:** Shiny Anna is also a fucking asshole by dying her hair red to match her sisters.

**Ferdielicious:** Shiny Anna… has blue hair…?

**Charli D’Amelio:** rumor has it that shiny anna has DARK BLUE hair

**Ferdielicious:** How does grown out dark hair look like?

**I ran over the pope:** Remember Professor Byleth’s tragic dye job?

**I ran over the pope:** Also where are you going with this?

**Ferdielicious:** I think I found Shiny Anna.

**Ferdielicious:** [[Unconscious Anna. She’s bleeding from her nose. But her hair has grown out to show her Dark Blue roots](https://w1tt0b1tt0.tumblr.com/post/626795285210923008/w1tt0b1tt0-wanted-to-try-something-new-on-my)]

**Momcedes:** Take her to the Nurse’s Office right now!!

**Charli D’Amelio:** THE RUMORS WERE TRUE

**The remix:** WHAT

**The remix:** I THOUGHT WE WERE FUCKING AROUND WITH SHINY ANNA

**Momcedes:** Well rumors have to originate from _somewhere_.

**I ran over the pope:** Mercedes, hold Anna there until she’s awake. Get her number.

**Momcedes:** Got it! ^^

**I ran over the pope:** Ferdinand, I’ve already told the professor about your absence. You will be marked “Partial” unfortunately.

**Ferdielicious:** It’s fine!

**Charli D’Amelio:** if ferdie is carrying anna to the nurse’s officer how is he typing

**The remix:** dumbass u forgot text to speech

**Ferdielicious:** I’m holding Anna with one arm, she’s not that heavy actually!

**The remix:** damn nvm

**Charli D’Amelio:** damn ferdie u stronk

**I ran over the pope:** To be fair, Ferdinand did keep his usual workout throughout the entire quarantine.

**Momcedes:** Please watch where you are going.

**Ferdielicious:** I will!

**09.20**

**Ferdielicious logged off!**

**The remix:** i miss Ferdinand von Aegir already

**I ran over the pope:** I’m going to pay attention to the lecture now. Goodbye.

**09.21**

**I ran over the pope logged off!**

**Momcedes:** Inigo and Leon, please log off!

**The remix:** k

**Charli D’Amelio:** k

**09.21**

**3 users logged off!**

* * *

**16.58**

**Momcedes logged on!**

**16.58**

**Momcedes added Anna.N to Divine Pulse can't stop us!**

**16.59**

**Momcedes changed Anna.N’s username to Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets!**

**16.59**

**Momcedes logged off!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The country I live in has allowed us to be able to study on campus grounds again.**
> 
> Also I wanted to try something new in this chapter. I illustrated the pictures myself and I wanted to know if they will show up. If they didn't, I have provided a description of what was illustrated.
> 
> _This might be me promoting my Tumblr page where I occasionally post art_


	9. *Will Smith voice* Ahh, that's hot.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna: im scared to click the link
> 
> Niles: good to be wary of links containing Busty Adrestian Girls living in your area. No one wants consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really hot at this time of the year, even though it is always hot in my country. But this week has been the hottest so far this year.

**16.48**

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets logged on!**

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** my chair wet

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** i know its got nothing to do with any of u

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** none of u came into room 2 and spilled water all over my chair

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** its just my sweat

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** its really fucking hot right now especially at this time of day

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** but one of u bitches left a piece of ice on the floor and now my sock is wet

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** whoever owns up Will Not Have to Forfeit Business Budget

**Delicate Flower:** WHOMST???

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** fuck wrong chat

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** wait who the fuc r u

**Dixie D’Amelio:** you fell through the arts building floor and ferdie has to carry you to the nurse’s office

**OOOH YESS:** scroll up

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** I FELL THROUGH THE FLOOR

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** These are confusing times, my Friend!

**Delicate Flower:** WHO WAS THAT

**OOOH YESS:** anna

**Delicate Flower:** WHICH ONE

**Dixie D’Amelio:** the theatrical arts anna

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** i fell through the floor

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** i fell through th efucking floor

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** i fell through the fucking floor and the first thing fferdinand von argie does is to take a picture of my hair

**OOOH YESS:** Fferdinand von Argie is my favorite man

**Delicate Flower:** ferdinand von aegir? Who that?

**16.55**

**Dixie D’Amelio changed Ferdielicious’s name to Fferdinand von Argie!**

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** MY PARENTS TRYING FOR PERFCET IVS AND EVS

**OOOH YESS:** well are they?

**OOOH YESS:** you’re the only anna with blue hair

**Delicate Flower:** shiny anna

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** mom has the red hair

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** dad has blue hair

**Dixie D’Amelio:** theres some sort of biology happening here

**Delicate Flower:** sis why didnt you touch on your roots

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** forgot to.

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** also rann out of red dye

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Just go harvest some beetroot or roses.

**Delicate Flower:** egg yolk and chalk

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** That only works with Tempera Paint…

**OOOH YESS:** what the hell is tempera paint

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** wiat guys can i ask you something

**Dixie D’Amelio:**?

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** pinned message?

**Dixie D’Amelio:** AH YES

**Delicate Flower:** YES HUNNY YOU ASK A GOOD QUESTION

**OOOH YESS:** sylvain back reading this chat in the future: 👁️👄👁️

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** (([Go back to the first chapter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24263356/chapters/58474258)))

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** …

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** im scared to click the link

**OOOH YESS:** good to be wary of links containing Busty Adrestian Girls living in your area. No one wants consequences

**Delicate Flower:** im curious and i DO want the consequences

**Delicate Flower:** MOVE GAY BOY

**Dixie D’Amelio:** hilda im right here

**Dixie D’Amelio:** IM the Busty Adrestion Girl you r looking for

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** BRO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT CAKE

**OOOH YESS:** im disappointed in you anna

**OOOH YESS:** i thought u would like it

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** honestly i would like it but i have celiacs i cant eat gluten

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Boneless Spaghett

**Delicate Flower:** ok ykw thats actually a good reason to hate this cake

**Dixie D’Amelio:** sylvain on the other hand, has no dietary restrictions

**Dixie D’Amelio:** sylvain a whole ass coward

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** wait is sylvain that bitch who was flirting with that one statue during the art festival

**Dixie D’Amelio:** oddly specific

**Delicate Flower:** unsurprising

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** yea thats him

**OOOH YESS:** hot cheetos looking ass

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** ngl i kept confusing sylvain with ferdie

**Dixie D’Amelio:** im so sorry anna

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** ?

**Dixie D’Amelio:** but at your rank, you havent unlocked the ability to call ferdie as “ferdie”

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** how do i unlock it

**OOOH YESS:** piss off hubert

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** easy

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** @And who could forget Dear RatBoy

**17.05**

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy logged on!**

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** _Playing Emo boy by Ayesha Erotica!_

_⚪───────────────── ◄◄⠀▐▐⠀►► 0:00 / 02:34 ───○ 🔊_

  
  


**17.06**

**And who could forget Dear RatBoy left Divine Pulse can’t stop us!**

**Delicate Flower:** HUBES NO

**Dixie D’Amelio:** welcome to the club anna

**17.08**

**Dixie D'Amelio added Hubert.von.V to Divine Pulse can't stop us!**

**17.09**

**Dixie D'Amelio changed Hubert.von.V's username to And who could forget Dear RatBoy!**

**Dixie D’Amelio:** we’re all excommunicated by the goddess in one way or another

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** thank

**OOOH YESS:** ok damn is it just me or is it fucking hot right now

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** my chair is literally wet with sweat right now

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Hmm yes, it is hot during the summer.

**Delicate Flower:** thanks owain

**Dixie D’Amelio:** i’ve been sitting in only a towel for the past 3 hours

**Dixie D’Amelio:** my hair is completely dried

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Melting! During the Summer

**OOOH YESS:** just ate a whole watermelon and i still feel overheated

**Delicate Flower:** wanna cuddle with mari but it’s too hot

**Dixie D’Amelio:** coward. Mark her as your mate like the superior mammals we are

**Delicate Flower:** nasty

**OOOH YESS:** what kind of ABO dynamic shit is this

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** cant relate

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS:** Unrelated, but Brady found my kazoo. I’m gonna go and be a musician.

**17.10**

**MY DARKNESS IS DARKER THAN YOURS logged off!**

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** is it alright if i crash into your living space lobby just for the free ac until it’s night

**OOOH YESS:** damn why didnt i think about this before

**Dixie D’Amelio:** honestly we dont know

**Delicate Flower:** there is an anna working here

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** good

**Ay Lil’ Mama lemme get your Trade Secrets:** on my way

**OOOH YESS:** me too

**17.13**

**2 users logged off!**

**Delicate Flower:** but does anna ever find the anna that left ice on the floor


	10. Blink it and you'll miss it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Pressure_.
> 
> There is pressure on him.
> 
> Claude groaned as he cracked open an eye. His back felt sore from sleeping _on top of books_ , now hurting from the weight on his stomach.
> 
> As soon as his vision cleared, he jumped at the sight of a pair of familiar, pink eyes.
> 
> It was Lysithea who was sitting on his stomach. When she noticed that he was awake, she leaned into his ear.
> 
> "It's Horsebow Moon. The Leicester Alliance Founding Day passed us a long time ago and no one noticed." She whispered. Claude could smell coffee on her breathe. Suddenly, her body collapsed onto his.
> 
> Soon, Lysithea's snores are the only thing that could be heard in the room. Claude laid on his bed for what felt like another minute, barely processing Lysithea's words, before turning his head to locate his phone.
> 
> He located the phone just within reach to his right, and grabbed it, opening a messenger app on the device.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hello I am not dead yet!**
> 
> I haven't been updating much due to personal reasons, and only just recently I've been getting the motivation to write again.
> 
> Thank you Readers for being patient about a new chapter. Please enjoy!

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** yall ever just

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** blink

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** and suddenly a whole ass semester is gone

**04.25**

**3 users logged on!**

**If she breathes shes a thot:** _ wait _

**Charli D’Amelio:** no it

**Charli D’Amelio:** huh

**Dixie D’Amelio:** i remember it was Great Tree Moon just yesterday

**Dixie D’Amelio:** what happened

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** idk

**If she breathes shes a thot:** why did u even bring it up in the first place

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** idk lysithea woke me up to tell me that

**Charli D’Amelio:** what inspired lysithea

**Dixie D’Amelio:** why is lysithea still awake

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** why are  _ YOU _ still awake

**If she breathes shes a thot:** is lysithea reading about frogs again

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** how can you tell

**Dixie D’Amelio:** at which part of “frogs” contains “months of 2020”

**Charli D’Amelio:** if 5 months has passed

**Charli D’Amelio:** im scared to know the number of tiktok dances i made

**If she breathes shes a thot:** i saw lysithea eat coffee beans and said “im about to read about frogs tonight”

**If she breathes shes a thot:** she didnt boil water for coffee she just ate the entire beans

**Dixie D’Amelio:** but lysithea hates bitter food? Only hubert drinks coffee made from coffee beans and those are fucking bitter

**Charli D’Amelio:** sis living that ride or die life

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** it’s all fun and games until u wake up in the middle of the night with pressure on your stomach, only to find out it’s your housemate sitting on you

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** and the only thing she says is “it’s Horsebow Moon and we didnt celebrate the Leicester Alliance Founding Day”

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** then she passed out

**Charli D’Amelio:** idk about u but i would rather celebrate the Halidom of Ylisse Founding Day than die from my godfather’s slipper

**If she breathes shes a thot:** i’d rather die than celebrate the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus Founding Day ngl

**Dixie D’Amelio:** it was just yesterday when we celebrated the Adrestian Empire Founding Day

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** when was the last time we celebrated  _ my  _ birthday

**Dixie D’Amelio:** i barely even remembered celebrating petra’s bday

**Charli D’Amelio:** time is an illusion and so is the government

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** i miss my parents already

**If she breathes shes a thot:** i just saw professor online for a hot minute??

**04.28**

**Women want me, Fish fear me logged on!**

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** My parents just texted us “Happy Birthday” and we were like 👁👄👁

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** LMAOOOO

**Charli D’Amelio:** wwait professor its your birthday

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** I swear I was just serving Claude his Birthday Tea 2 days ago 👁👄👁

**If she breathes shes a thot:** is time even real anymore

**Charli D’Amelio:** i played one(1) game

**Dixie D’Amelio:** 👁👄👁

**Charli D’Amelio:** 👁👄👁

**If she breathes shes a thot:** 👁👄👁

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** 👁👄👁

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** 👁👄👁

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** im so confused about time

**04.31**

**The original logged on!**

**The original:** time is an illusion and so are genders

**The original:** also yall should seriously sleep it’s 4am

**Dixie D’Amelio:** then why are YOU awake?

**The original:** i gotta upload another makeup tutorial

**If she breathes shes a thot:** leon it’s Horsebow Moon 👁👄👁

**The original:** ?

**The original:** it’s not Blue Sea Moon?

**Dixie D’Amelio:** 👁👄👁

**Charli D’Amelio:** 👁👄👁

**The original:** 👁👄👁

**The original:** i’ve been saying “summer’s been raining lately” in my vids at Horsebow Moon 👁👄👁

**The original:** today’s video is gonna be in a disaster

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Has Yuri appeared in your videos yet? To bring in the views via clickbait that you have a “twin”.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** wasnt their encounter a whole ass netflix season

**Charli D’Amelio:** aint it that one geronimo stilton book

**If she breathes shes a thot:** the what

**The original:** yuri fills in for me when im sick

**The original:** but how long as it been Horsebow Moon???

**The original:** who even brought it up????

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** me

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** lysithea actually

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** i woke up to her sitting on me and saying “it’s Horsebow Moon”

**If she breathes shes a thot:** 👀👀

**Dixie D’Amelio:** 👀👀

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** ITS NOT THAT WAY U FUCKING PERVERTS

**Charli D’Amelio:** 👀👀

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** ....

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** TEACH BELIEVE ME PLEASE

**The original:** press x to doubt

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** PLEASE I AM THE SON OF THE CURRENT ALMYRAN KING, WE’VE RECENTLY GONE BANKRUPT FROM THE CIVIL WAR IN ALMYRA

**If she breathes shes a thot:** LMAO WHAT

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** I AM HERE SEEKING AVENUE FOR FUNDS TO BE TRANSFERRED TO HELP US

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** 👀👀

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** teach please shes like 10 i aint like that tf

**04.37**

**Lysithea.von.O logged on!**

**Lysithea.von.O:** I’m 15 so shut the fuck up.

**04.37**

**Lysithea.von.O logged off!**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** SIS EXCUSE ME?????

**Dixie D’Amelio:** LYSITHEA’S HERE

**Dixie D’Amelio:** HOW LONG HAS SHE BEEN HERE

**Charli D’Amelio:** :o

**The original:** how many more members do we have that are just lurking in this group that we dont know about

**If she breathes shes a thot:** I DIDNT ADD HER I SWEAR

**If she breathes shes a thot:** IN FACT I DONT REMEMBER ANYONE ADDING HER

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** @Macavity’s not there!

**04.39**

**Macavity’s not there! logged on!**

**Macavity’s not there!:** lmao yea i added her

**Macavity’s not there!:** the group was getting quiet

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** grima shes literally knocked out on top of me right now

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** she cant be typing

**Macavity’s not there!:** that’s only what she want you to think

**04.41**

**Macavity’s not there! logged off!**

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** Jfhdsk

**The original:** is the living space haunted now?

**If she breathes shes a thot:** I GUESS

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** I thought I was the only one who has a Ghost Child living in me…

**Dixie D’Amelio:** Professor  _ what _

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** What?

**Charli D’Amelio:** what

**If she breathes shes a thot:** a ghost  _ what living in you? _

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** That’s not the point right now.

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Though hopefully Grima does have a reason for adding Lysithea into this chat of excommunicated individuals.

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** i think i know what she did but i need more time to confirm

**The original:** so what r yall gonna do about the Haunted House

**Charli D’Amelio:** anna’s problem i guess

**If she breathes shes a thot:** fun fact: annette, ashe, linhardt and lysithea dont like ghosts

**If she breathes shes a thot:** funner fact: mercedes is usually the one who tells them the ghost stories

**If she breathes shes a thot:** funnest fact: mercedes is a member of this group

**Dixie D’Amelio:** honestly anything to keep linhardt awake for at least an hour

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Just give him the Forbidden Crest Research Notes and he’ll be up for 2 weeks.

**The original:** please dont

**The original:** he was stinky

**Charli D’Amelio:** next thing we know a new semester starts

**Dixie D’Amelio:** did i even take my semester finals?????

**If she breathes shes a thot:** dorothea wait

**04.47**

**Dixie D’Amelio logged off!**

**If she breathes shes a thot:** DOROTHEA

**04.47**

**If she breathes shes a thot logged off!**

**Charli D’Amelio:** yall remember that one time a whole group of people just fucking put glitter all over the classrooms

**Charli D’Amelio:** last year felt like last week 😔

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** i can still feel the glitter in my hair 😔

**The original:** THAT WAS YOU?

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Byleth told me and I didn’t want to believe it until I saw the full surveillance footage.

**Charli D’Amelio:** u can thank grima for that we were about to have a fucking test that day

**The original:** MOTHERFFUKER

**The original:** I HAD GLITTER ALL OVER MY SHOES FOR DAYS

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** imagine being part of the group that did all the glitter

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** last year felt like last week 😔

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** I’m still sh00k from the fact that our birthday passed without us knowing.

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** I can’t have Tea Party with anyone… 👁💧👄💧👁

**The original:** virtual tea party over Zoom?

**Women want me, Fish fear me:** Okay. ;-;

**Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:** gonna go steal lorenz’s tea

**Charli D’Amelio:** dont mind my ugly ass bed hair

**04.52**

**4 users logged off!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It really hit me when my friend told me that it's currently September, which is the reason why it has been raining a lot in my are (Monsoon season). And I was just surprised like "september???? nani??? it's not july????"
> 
> Next time I have the motivation to write will be October and I'll already be starting a new college semester haha.

**Author's Note:**

> Claude → Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦  
> Hilda → Luka x Miku Lovechild  
> Lorenz Hellman Gloucester → I can get you fired I know the manager  
> Sylvain → If she breathes shes a thot  
> Mercedes → Momcedes  
> Dorothea → Y/N  
> Ferdinand von Aegir → Ferdielicious  
> Yuri → The remix  
> Leon → The original  
> Inigo → Charli D’Amelio  
> Plumeria → All you wanna do <3


End file.
